If there is one thing that stands
in the way of Darwin’s theory of evolution, then it has to be without doubt the
Indian TV industry. Why it continues to churn out crap day in and day out is
something my mind cannot comprehend. Just don’t watch them, some would argue.
But that’s not the point. Its like saying ‘i don’t indulge in corruption, so I
might as well choose to ignore it’.
I am reasonably asocial. Which
means that if I have a computer and decent internet speed my life is golden. On
a lazy weekend all I do is lie on my bed with the laptop in front of me which
churns out episodes of The Big Bang Theory, Friends, Family Guy, AIB videos,
horror movies, etc one after the other. I am yet to get my hands on GOT and
Breaking Bad. So I am ok watching reruns of these episodes with the greatest
pleasure. It’s not that I like watching these shows and movies only on my
laptop. I too enjoy the clarity and sound of my new 32 inch Samsung LED TV. But
what is the point of watching these movies and shows when the channel plays
moral police and beeps out dialogues and deletes scenes which they believe we
may find offensive. When will these censor boards quit deciding what is good
for us and what isn’t?
The last time mythologies were in
vogue was way back in ’87 – ’88 era when BR Chopra’s Mahabharat and Ramanand
Sagar’s Ramayan were on air. Mahabharat was actually lot cooler than the crap
made thereafter. Since then, the TV channels have never let go of their
fixation with mythologies. So we have serials on Shanidev, Krishna, Hanuman,
not to mention the umpteen screwed up versions of Ramayana and Mahabharat, and
the list is endless. How many times must one watch the same story told again
and again? Is it going to be any different from the earlier attempts? Is Lord
Ram not going to rescue Sita for a change? Will Hanuman get bored of being
mocked around for carrying the mountain and actually just bring the goddamn
herb for a change? Is Lord Krishna during his sermon to Arjun going to say, “Dude,
I rode you all the way to this battlefield to watch you kick some serious Kaurava
ass, not to whimper like a sissy. Now kill these irritating relatives of yours.
Oh Satya and Dharma btw.” Well to be honest that was kinda the crux of
Geeta Updesh.
All these shows go on to prove
just one thing. The writers lack imagination.
And what the fuck is the deal
with Naagin 2? I mean was there a season 1 too? Granted Mouni Roy makes a
really convincing snake. But this is 2017 for heaven’s snake. The only time I
saw a movie on shape shifting snakes was in 1990. My dad had recently bought a
VCR and the first cassette we rented was
Nagina. But that was that. I also skipped watching the masterpiece ‘Matrix ka Jaani Dushman’ starring
Armaan Kohli and half of bollywood. I regret it till date. My love for snakes
was further enhanced when I accidentally bumped into this sssymphony performed
by critters. I shit you not. This was an actual movie in which a whole bunch of
cobras play all sorts of classical instruments. So one snake plays the flute,
one plays the sitar, and if I remember well, one also played the dhol. I mean
that is amazing bit of animal training. The most I could get my pet Lab to do
was sit when I told him to. Thats the clip right there. Actually its the full
movie. Try skipping to 1:58:41.
Oh and for all those people who
swear by Tarak Mehta’s Ooltah Chashma and its clean humour, you can all go and
pleasure yourselves. Of course, most of the male population endures this crap
fest because of that Babita chick. The treatment couldn’t get any worse. I am
not even starting on the content. So I had a mishap once and happened to catch
one episode of this serial. One character says a dialogue, then the camera pans
to all the other characters and captures their reaction. Then there is a
commercial break. Two minutes later, the show resumes where some other
character responds to the first character. The fucking camera again pans to all
the characters and captures their reaction, again. And then there is a
break...AGAIN! To the makers I say ‘**** YOU SIRS’. That’s my tribute to the
channels that beep the subtitles too.
Honestly, I don’t know much about
the other shows because I couldn’t care less. But I am super confident and know
how content driven the other shows would be. The bug seems to have bitten
Discovery Channel too it seems. One of their shows is called Naked and Afraid. The content as described
by Wikipedia is ‘Each episode chronicles the lives of two survivalists (1 woman; 1
man) who meet for the first time and are given the task of surviving a stay in
the wilderness naked for 21 days.’
Seriously?
I recently saw on TV a scene from
the Govinda starrer Hathkadi. And this is an actual scene from the movie. The
actress Madhu comes out of her house and sees her rooster out of its cage. She
runs around to catch it. Govinda who is passing by in an atrocious attire sees
her and the very next moment they break out into a song. And there is a bicycle
in the song too. I understand that its a movie and its ok to let imaginations
fly around a bit. But at least imagine! And Flying Jatt? Who the names a movie
thus?
People who do watch these shows and
films have often criticised me and called me a pseudo intellectual. Look, I
honestly don’t have a problem with them watching these shows and films. I have
a problem with the makers of such shows taking the audience for fools and not
even making a minimal effort to work on the content. Yes the audience needs to
evolve no doubt. I remember a time when MTV was awesome. Now when I
accidentally watch the channel while surfing, I instantly realise that
something is seriously wrong with the audience, and the channels are simply
exploiting this ignorance. And that Harbhajan Singh plays judge on Roadies. And
to think that I almost forgave him for marrying Geeta Basra.
And yes I have written a similar post
couple of years ago which probably might make you think that probably I have
run out of content as well. But did u notice the subtle branding I did for
Samsung LED TV? Now that’s marketing ;)
