Every College Ever: Part 1

It's been 12 years since college. But it seems like yesterday. Now when I pass by any college campus and look at the kids there, I feel...nostalgic yes, but more than that I feel really old.

Every college that I have ever come across has some very common scenes and people. To start with everyone feels that their college life was the best. But certain characters and situations remain permanent.

The Guitarist: Every college campus has this one musician guy. And mostly his weapon of choice would be the guitar. There was this musician guy in my college. Every day for three years, he would roam around the campus with a guitar hanging on his shoulder. Everyday. And he fit the image of the quintessential college musician to the T. So the guitarist is casually dressed, a sexy leather or denim jacket to give him that bohemian look. I mean when have you ever seen a guy wearing formals and also play the guitar? They are two separate species altogether. The one wearing the formals is what scientists term as talentless! Who wears formals in college anyway? The musician has long hair, obviously. And did I mention that he is generally a heartthrob? Girls are ready to tear his clothes (and theirs too) when they hear him play. Guys obviously hate him. But you can’t beat up a guy just cause he plays the guitar. Or can you?

Rebels without a cause: Then there is a group of students that is perpetually outside the college. They are the bad guys. Wronged by the system. Always eager for a fight, these guys get offended at the drop of a hat. My college too had such a group. It was the time when Tere Naam was released. And suddenly everyone in the group was a self proclaimed Radhe, a goon with the heart of gold. Most of them were assholes of the highest order though. Then there was this guy who was nicknamed Sathiya/Vivek Oberoi. Reason? He had hair like Vivek Oberoi. But the similarity ended there. Not for him though. He was so used to people calling him Vivek Oberoi that eventually he believed that he was Oberoi's first cousin. He even ended up buying that Avenger type bike which Oberoi drives in Dum. And it was funny cause he was a little over 5 feet tall. And looked like a mouse.

The college bitches: This tag is reserved for two of the hottest girls in the college. And they are usually friends with each other. More than the sharing of interests, the real reason for them being together is their insecurity. Because they believe that the other person is the only real threat to her popularity; so they end up befriending each other. That’s like symbiosis at a human level. What also is true is the fact that they will become sworn enemies as the college nears its term.

The born couples: In college, some friendships are forged from the word go. And when its between a boy and a girl, tongues do tend to wag (coz duh ,ek ladka aur ladki kabhi dost nahi ho sakte right?). They will always be together; always laughing away seemingly awkward questions about their relation with elan. Of course who would believe them? Seeing them together out of college would be like sighting a tiger. You would be really lucky to see one, but everyone manages to catch a glimpse nevertheless. This ‘çouple’ would also be accompanied by a third friend, usually a girl. She is part of the group because she is a stabiliser. The couple would be like, ‘we are a group of good friends’. The girl would be like ‘no i am more like the pickle in a buffet. Very much needed, but no one would miss me either’. And yes, the pair will not tolerate deviating interests of each other. There will come a time when the couple won’t be talking to each other because of his or her’s alleged closeness with another person of the opposite sex.

The chick magnet: This is self explanatory. He is the college stud. Every guy hates him. Every girl wants to cut her veins for him. He is usually friends with the guitarist, so their synergy is so great that by the third year there isn’t a lot of hope left for lesser mortals to have a girlfriend. And as usual you can’t beat both of them up cause the stud is well built. Or can you? Few years ago I bumped into the college stud from my batch. He had undergone a drastic change. He was fat, and balding. It was difficult to imagine him that way. I felt a little sad, and a lot happier.

Youth Festival: Without doubt the most happening event of the year. This event sees aggressive participation from students because it is one time in the entire year when you can officially bunk lectures. When questioned on his or her absence, the student in question will reply in the most sincere yet proud manner, “sir for youth festival...”, almost as if he or she had fought in kargil.

The Annual Day/Talent Evening: The only fun thing the college authorities allow every year. This day is anxiously awaited because it is like an unofficial end to the academic year. So the evening begins with a female student dressed in saree hosting the show. She will begin by thanking the ‘honourable principal sir’, and respected professors who are sitting in the front row, for being the guiding light. She will then recite a poem which is usually written by the college poet who for most part of college life remains in obscurity. Then she invites the ‘honourable principal sir’ on stage, who will then take 20 minutes out of your life with the new photocopy of last year’s speech. And of course then there is the mandatory ‘lighting of the lamp’ by some big shot of the university, mostly the Vice Chancellor. And he then goes on to prove how the lamp and its light symbolises all the racist things in the world.

And then the evening begins. And as all good things begin with a prayer, the annual day too begins on a holy note. Three girls sharing one mike will sing a popular bhajan. If the college is upscale, then you will also have two guys with the girls; one playing the harmonium, and the other playing tabla. The audience by then realises that one hour of the allotted two and a half hours is already over.

Once the aesthetics are over, the actual fun begins. The female anchor is joined by a guy, in a blazer. He is the fun element. He takes over from the female and ensures that the audience is still alive. So he will repeat the question ‘are you guys ready for some fun?’, because the first time no one has heard it. And like obedient children, the audience too will respond with a loud ‘ýes’. And then the usual routine begins. Skits, dance, mimicry, some more dance, singing. Before you know it, the evening ends. And a sad realisation engulfs you. The year is about to end.   

...to be contd