Boys to Men –Part 3: The Many Uncomfortable Truths

Recently I stumbled upon a stand -up by Anubhav Bassi on hostel life where he narrates a day in the life of a guy living in a hostel. Hilarious as it was, it reminded me of my days in hostel as well. Anyone who has lived in hostel goes from phases of ‘pure disgust’ to ‘pure elation’.

The initial days at the hostel are nothing short of a nightmare. Having spent your early days in a comfortable and protected environment, shifting to a hostel can be a real shock. So it was for me. It was self service from the word go.

It was then that I realised that clothes do not magically wash themselves (not literally though. I knew moms did it, but they do it magically don’t they?).

I reached the hostel during the peak summer of June. Blessed with extra perspiration pores, my well ironed clothes quickly started smelling like a corpse. Not to be deterred, I took them all to the nearby laundry shop. Because that’s what rich people do right? When the clothes came back, my wallet was considerably lighter. So I did the next rich thing. I invested in a washing soap, and an annoying plastic scrub (the annoying bit comes second only to the ‘clawing on a blackboard’ sound). My roommate invested in a washing paddle (which doubled up as a cricket bat once we were done with the washing).

Pretty soon we realised that washing clothes required more patience than skill. And once the rains start, even skilful washing wont save you. Because those of you who have tried know that a half dry cloth smells like death.

So like every persevering/perspiring man, we too quickly gave up. We took refuge in talcum powder and deodorants. To all those people who are about to start hostel life, the following steps can be helpful on how to escape one week without washing.

Day 1: Wear clean shirt

Day 2: Wear it again if no considerable smell emanates (or if the person standing next to you isn’t staring at you in disgust. Or has fainted.)

Day 3: You would now be unable to bear the stench yourself. So lay the shirt out on the bed. And spread a liberal dose of talcum powder on it. Particularly around the armpit area. This should help you get through the day.

Day 4: Repeat step 3

Day 5 and 6: You must have now reached a point where even talc won’t work. In such a case, just wash the armpit and the neck area. And you are good to go.

Note: Unwashed socks are deadlier. So once you have worn them inside out as well, you must ensure to wash them once every three days. Same goes for the underwear. No one washes jeans anyway so no issues there. Jeans are genetically destined not to be washed. So that makes it a time saving garment. Invest in them. Or just borrow from fellow hostel mates. Because one thing that I noticed was that everyone in a hostel wears clothes that have a universal fit. So it doesn’t matter that the person from whom you borrow is fat or thin. If he has a wearable garment, it will fit.

Washing clothes is just one of the many problems that a guy faces in the hostel. But he surely overcomes them, one problem at a time.

To be contd...